Father’s Day is a good time to stop and ask the question we don’t ask enough.

Not “what are you getting for Father’s Day?” Not “what’s your parenting philosophy?” Just: what does fatherhood actually look like for you right now? The good stuff. The hard stuff. What your kids have taught you. What you’d tell a new dad if you had one minute with them.

We asked our community. Dads from across the country answered.

Here’s what they said.

The Favorite Parts

We could have predicted some of these. We couldn’t have predicted all of them.

Nick Cook from Durham, NC, a graphic designer and dad to a 2.5-year-old son, put his right at the top: “Getting to embrace my inner child and be silly with my son. His laugh is contagious.”

Devon Garcia from Portland, OR, a Solutions Engineer at Slack whose daughter is eight months old, described it as “a free jolt of pure joy and dopamine from a simple laugh.”

Same feeling. Different words. Dad after dad came back to this one. The laugh. The specific, irreplaceable laugh of your specific kid.

Casey Stevens from Columbus, OH, who has a six-year-old and two-year-old boy/girl twins, described coming home from work to “the pitter patter of tiny feet racing to the door” and hearing “Daddy’s home.” He’s not alone. That sound came up in multiple forms across the responses.

Andrew Vossler from Charleston, SC, an executive coach with four kids ranging from five months to six years, described experiencing ordinary things as brand new again: “They didn’t know churros existed. The other day we went out on a mission to find and enjoy churros. Their minds were blown.”

Austin Bergstrom from Charlotte, NC, a mortgage loan originator with a 16-month-old daughter, said it simply: “How curious she is, and how much she loves us right now. All she wants to do is be outside, play, and be around us.”

And then there’s Jon Harris from Knoxville, TN, who has a unique vantage point on the whole thing. His son is 25. His daughter is 23. His youngest daughter is 19 months old. He became a dad again at 46, and he’s not taking any of it for granted.

“Every day she learns a new word, discovers something new, or finds a reason to laugh. I don’t take any of the so-called little things for granted.”

A second chance to do it with full awareness of how fast it goes. If that’s not a Father’s Day story, we don’t know what is.

The Hard Parts

Nobody pretended it was all churros and contagious laughs.

Nick Cook went straight for it: “Potty training, hands down. It is not for the faint of heart.”

Chris Reed from Phoenix, AZ, a customer success manager with a two-year-old and another baby due in November, named what a lot of dads feel but don’t always say: “Balance and patience. I want to do the best I can in so many things, but that can cause stress that eats away at other parts of my life.”

Austin Bergstrom said it differently but landed in the same place: “Always being on the go and rarely having my own time. Every day is a constant battle of getting all my work done to be able to spend time with my wife and daughter.”

Taylor Marton from Woburn, MA, a stay-at-home dad with a three-year-old and a newborn, described “managing the intense three-year-old mood swings and not letting his emotions dictate my emotions.” Anybody who has spent time with a three-year-old knows exactly what he means.

Luke Lasiloo from Flagstaff, AZ, a warehouse manager at a food bank with a two-year-old, got honest about something a lot of dads feel but rarely say out loud: “He is really attached to mom right now and only wants mom. It hurts my soul every time. But once I rip him away and it’s just the two of us, things are fantastic. It’s a real battle to not want to check out and melt into the background.”

That last sentence. That’s the one.

Christian Thorndike from Greenville, SC, an attorney with two boys ages two and three, is currently solo parenting for five weeks due to a family medical situation: “When stress, sickness, trying to be a good parent, work, and setting boundaries all combine, it becomes a bit overwhelming. But I’d rather have the bad days with them than days without them.”

And Rob Hogan from North Georgia, a forensic accountant whose daughter is 11, described the first moment in his parenting journey where he genuinely felt out of his depth: navigating puberty with his daughter. “It doesn’t matter how many books I read or women I talk to. I will never understand the emotional and physical changes she’s going through. It’s the first time I’ve felt genuinely ill-equipped to help her.”

There’s no hack for that one. Just showing up.

What Their Kids Have Taught Them

This was the section we weren’t fully prepared for.

The answers came in different words. And almost all of them said the same thing. Slow down.

Taylor Marton: “They’ve taught me to slow down and not rush so much. Our society is always in such a hurry to do everything, and my toddler has really challenged me to slow down and not make everything a rush.”

Jon Harris: “My older kids taught me that the years fly by. My youngest reminds me not to rush through them. She wants to stop and look at bugs, throw rocks in the creek, and dance to the same song over and over. Most days, she’s right.”

David Case from Edmond, OK, a forklift driver with a one-year-old: “She’s taught me to slow down and enjoy the moments. To really pay attention to life’s moments.”

Christian Thorndike: “Being present and enjoying even the smallest things in life.”

Stan Navrude from Overland Park, KS, a retired pharmaceutical professional whose sons are now 34 and 30, offered the long-view version: “Patience. I find myself emulating them at times.”

Brandon Jackson from Northeast Pennsylvania, an ESG reporting controller with a two and five-year-old: “Kids are a mirror, and I need to lead by example.”

Luke Lasiloo: “Gratitude. Hearing his little voice say ‘thank you’ every time you hand him something makes you really step back and look at what’s really important.”

And Rob Hogan’s 11-year-old daughter keeps him honest in the most direct way possible: “She will call me out if I try to preach something I don’t practice or if I’m not living up to my commitments. It’s a good reminder that we are what we do, not what we say.”

Chris Reed from Phoenix distilled it to one line: “Even the simplest things can be fun and bring a smile.”

What They’d Tell a Brand New Dad

This is the part we’ll be coming back to.

Nick Cook: “Be kind to your partner, be kind to yourself. The early days are a blur, but patience, teamwork, and a sense of humor will get you through.”

Devon Garcia: “No one has it completely figured out. There’s a lot of knowledge out there, but we’re all in it together of not knowing what we’re doing. Advice is take or leave. You have to tinker and try things, and that’s the fun part.”

Chris Reed: “Find community. It’s okay to be bad at this, it’s your first time. Communicate with your partner.”

Mike Tarnovsky from Marblehead, MA, a software sales professional with a 2.5-year-old son and a 2.5-month-old daughter: “This too shall pass. No matter the hardest days you have, your kids will do the smallest thing that makes you laugh and everything is forgotten. Also, don’t forget about your wife. Get her flowers or coffee on a random day of the week. She’ll appreciate it more than you’ll ever know.”

Taylor Marton: “Give yourself, your kids, and your partner lots of grace. We are all trying to be the best parents and kids we can be. No one is perfect.”

Brandon Jackson: “The clichés are true. Enjoy the little things, they grow up fast. Give your kids, your partner, and yourself some grace.”

Casey Stevens: “The days are long but the weeks are short. Time flies. Stop to take a moment and enjoy these days.”

Christian Thorndike: “Days are long, years are short. You don’t realize when you’ve done something for the last time until it’s really gone, like rocking the kid to sleep. Don’t rush it, no matter how difficult the days are.”

Dakota Carter from Birmingham, AL, a maintenance mechanic who is raising a 14-year-old nephew and has a 13-month-old daughter: “Don’t rush anything. Don’t rush to have kids. Don’t rush through the newborn stage. Don’t rush the moments that feel insignificant. In my experience, that’s where I’ve had the best conversations.”

Andrew Vossler from Charleston said something we think every dad needs to hear: “Do it in a way that is authentic to you and your partner. And do it with a larger community. Family, friends, church, neighborhood. I believe strongly we are not designed to parent in silos.”

Jon Harris, with 25 years of fatherhood behind him and a 19-month-old in front of him: “You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to keep showing up. The ordinary moments are the ones you’ll miss the most. Be there for them.”

Rob Hogan: “Get a day planner and use it as a journal. Take a few minutes every day to jot down a couple of notes. I’ve been doing this for a while and it’s amazing to look back and see moments that made an impression at the time. I know it’s cliché to say they grow up fast, but this has been one of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever received.”

And our favorite of the whole thread, from Chris Rodinsky, a therapist in California with two kids ages one and two: “Be the pier, not the PA system. Kids and wives need somewhere safe for their emotional waves to land. Your relationship is the pier. Your voice is just the PA system. Never confuse the two.”

What We Took From All of This

Different dads. Different cities. Different jobs, different ages, different stages of the fatherhood journey from eight months in to 35 years deep.

And the through line across every single response was the same.

The little moments are the big moments. You don’t know which ones will matter until they’re gone. Slow down. Be present. Give grace to everyone in the house, including yourself.

That’s not a parenting philosophy. That’s hard-won wisdom from men who are in it every day, figuring it out in real time, doing their best with what they have.

Happy Father’s Day to every dad in this community. You’re doing better than you think!