There is a special kind of courage required to do the holidays with your in-laws. Whether you’re packing up the kids and staying in their guest room or you’re hosting them in your house where the thermostat mysteriously moves on its own.

Not the “charge into battle” kind. More like the “stay steady while everyone has deeply held opinions about your turkey carving technique” kind.

But here’s the thing: every dad who has spent more than 72 hours in shared holiday space with in-laws knows a secret.

The in-laws aren’t necessarily the challenge. It’s the holiday machinery surrounding them.

It’s the perfect storm of expectations, personalities, traditions, and casseroles that should have been retired long ago.

So here’s your survival kit.

Step 1: Know the Mission Before You Deploy

Holiday gatherings are not just family time. They’re also diplomatic operations.

Your job is not to win the day. Your job is to get home intact without starting a generational feud.

Pick one mission:

  • Keep your partner happy.

  • Keep the kids from swinging ornaments like medieval weapons.

  • Stay away from political conversations.

  • Avoid being tricked into “a quick project.”

That is your priority. Everything else is noise.

Step 2: Become a Ghost When Necessary

Every dad deserves a strategic disappearance.

Bathroom break. Checking on the kids. Taking out the trash. Retrieving something from the car (which may or may not exist).

You are not hiding. You are resetting. A dad who resets is a dad who keeps the peace.

Step 3: Find Your Role and Lean Into It

Every family has roles. You do not choose them; they choose you.

You might be:

  • The Grill Guy

  • The Tech Fixer

  • The Kid Wrangler

  • The Heavy-Lifting Specialist

  • The Person Who Understands Wi-Fi

  • The Tupperware Organizer

Own the role. A man with a clear job gets left alone. A man without one gets recruited for every chore imaginable.

Step 4: Master Emotional Judo

Your in-laws will make comments. Not malicious. Just… comments.

  • “He looks tired.”

  • “She’s very energetic.”

  • “We never did that with our kids.”

  • “Are you sure that’s how you do it?”

Old you tightens up. New you redirects the energy.

Smile. Nod. Say “Interesting.” Move on.

Peace preserved. No emotional bruising.

via GIPHY

Step 5: Use the Kids as Shields, Assets, or Distractions

Kids are your all-purpose social tools.

Need to exit a conversation?
“She wants to show you something!”

Need a moment alone?
“We’re going to check on the toys.”

Need to leave early?
“We’re approaching meltdown o’clock.”

Use the chaos wisely.

Step 6: Build Allies in the House

There is always someone running the same internal monologue as you.

The brother-in-law who’s also trying to survive. The cousin with a dry sense of humor. The aunt who hands out snacks and honesty. The dog.

Find them early. Form a silent alliance. You’re stronger together.

Step 7: Remember Why You’re There

This is the grounding moment.

Holidays are messy. Families are complicated. Someone will absolutely comment on your parenting.

But your kids are watching how you handle it.

They’re learning how to be part of a family. How to show up with grace. How to be steady when things get weird. You’re not just surviving the holidays. You’re modeling adulthood.

That’s the whole point. Godspeed.


Trying to raise good kids without losing your mind? Same.

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